We see the brightness of a new page where everything yet can happen.
-Rainer Maria Rilke

Sunday, October 2, 2011

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us" Charles Dickens
The above mirrors my life this year alone. I wanted to crawl away and hide from everyone. I fought, with every ounce I had, not to. I had two beautiful daughters to stay strong for. I made myself get out of my comfort zone, and try to live  life the best I could. I knew if I didn't, I would fade away. Closing myself off from the world. Heartbreaking things happen, and though it's not what I wanted, it was definitely for the best. I was terrified of the changes taking place, and I didn't think that I was strong enough to come out in one piece on the other side. I didn't want there to be another side.

As I sit here writing this, I know I haven't completely made it over there yet, but now I want to go there. I want to see what's waiting for me. I have my days when I still get sad, and it hurts like hell, but other days, I'm pretty good. I am finding me out of all of this. I am taking risks that I would shy away from before, and the results may not always work out how I'd want, but at least I tried. It's scary, I won't lie, but oh, in the end, you feel alive! I'm trying to break free, and become the me that makes me happy. I'm listening to music again. I take pleasure in the little things. I am writing again, and I am enjoying it. I'm making myself get out there and make new friends. With that said, I have met some wonderful people lately, and reconnected to some long lost ones, and they really have no idea how much they have helped me by just being themselves.

As for my lovely daughters, I love them soooo very much. I want to make them proud of the person I am, the one I'm becoming. I'm not perfect, as well they know, but I do try to be better. They have been troopers through all of this. I just want you to know, that whatever life throws at you, you will find your way through it. If I did, you can. Life isn't always easy, but enjoy the ride, because it's the only one you have.

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